Moving Through Grief

I’m Phoenix Rayne. A name I chose to honor the woman I’ve become through deep healing and transformation. Born Jessica “Jessi” Decker, I now walk as Phoenix - a name that speaks to rising from the ashes. I’m a certified Quantum-Touch practitioner and energy healing guide, integrating this work with massage therapy, breathwork, and coaching. I help people move through grief, trauma and life transitions. 

On Christmas Day 2020, my world shattered. That night I learned that my beautiful son, Ethan, had been shot and killed. The pain of losing a child is soul-shattering — it ripped through me and left me numb, lost and unsure how to survive. It felt like the air was knocked out of my lungs and the ground beneath me disappeared. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think — only scream inside, this can’t be real.

My life had already held so much trauma, addiction, and searching for worth. I had spent years battling depression, trying to numb with drugs and alcohol, running from pain I didn’t know how to face. But nothing had prepared me for this.

In the days that followed, I was deep in grief — a kind of shock where reality felt slippery. During Ethan’s Celebration of Life, my aunt pulled me aside and gently told me about a teacher named Carol Lee and a class she taught called Gathering of Angels. She thought it might help me.

Gathering of Angels

Carol Lee was a beloved Quantum-Touch instructor and spiritual healer who created a two-day workshop called Gathering of Angels. Built on the foundation of Quantum-Touch, this workshop helped people connect with their “God-Team” — their angels, guides and higher spiritual allies — and learn to work with them in deep, intuitive energy healing. While it draws from Quantum-Touch principles, Gathering of Angels was Carol's own Spirit-guided method, offering a sacred space to expand into higher guidance and healing.

I had been told to try many things over the years, and normally I would say “okay” and forget. But something about this moment was different. Even in my fog of grief, something deep inside me stirred. It felt like a quiet but powerful nudge: You need to do this.

When I returned home, I asked my aunt for Carol Lee’s contact information. I reached out to Carol through Facebook. She responded with warmth and compassion and told me about the Quantum-Touch classes I would need to take first before joining the Gathering of Angels. Something in me said yes — and I am so grateful I listened.

A Spiritual Surgery

I threw myself into Carol’s classes, starting in February 2021. They became a lifeline. Even though everything was on Zoom, the space Carol Lee created felt safe, loving, and alive with possibility. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I belonged to something bigger than myself. Her containers were filled with love, compassion, and a sense of purpose that I had long been searching for.

One of my first Level 1 Quantum-Touch classes was life-changing. During a practice session, as my partner worked on me and I worked with the energy myself, something powerful happened — my entire body began to shake. It went on for an hour during our break. Carol smiled and said it was like “spiritual surgery.” I remember thinking how similar it felt to waking up after a medical surgery, except this was an energetic healing happening at the deepest level of my being. For the first time since my son’s death, I felt something move inside me,  as if grief and numbness were breaking apart and light was pushing through.

From that moment, I was hooked. I immersed myself in as many classes as I could: Level 1 & 4, Gathering of Angels, Supercharging, Self Created Health, and the Healing Circles of Light. I was also beginning to work on my recovery, and the two paths — Quantum-Touch and healing — seemed to weave together. Quantum-Touch became a stepping stone. It gave me hope and a way to move forward in grief, sobriety, and rebuilding my life.

Quantum-Touch taught me how to work with energy, but it also taught me how to work with myself. Even when I later went through a dark night of the soul and stepped away for a while, I know the healing I had received and the tools I had learned continued to guide me. Looking back, I can clearly see the difference Quantum-Touch made. When I was fully immersed and practicing regularly, I felt supported, aligned, and able to heal on a deeper level. When I drifted away, I could feel the absence of that practice. It was a reminder of how powerful this work truly is.

The Courage to Heal

Through Quantum-Touch, I found the courage to heal — not just to stop numbing, but to really look at my pain, to move through grief, and to rebuild from the inside out. It helped me process the losses of both my father and my son, losses that came so close together and could have destroyed me. It helped me open my voice, connect with my inner strength, and keep moving toward the life I wanted to create.

I even began weaving Quantum-Touch into other modalities as my healing journey evolved. When I started training in Emotional Energy Release Breathwork, I would often combine Quantum-Touch with my breathwork practice. Sometimes during those sessions I had powerful visions — experiences of light and healing that felt beyond words. These practices together helped me reclaim my voice and the strength to step into helping others, something my heart has always longed to do.

And through it all was Carol Lee.

Carol wasn’t just a teacher. She was a guide, a light, and a safe space when I was rebuilding my life from the ashes. Her classes felt like home. Her belief in me helped me start believing in myself. Carol passed away recently, and my heart aches with gratitude and love when I think of her. I don’t think I would be where I am today — alive, healing, and helping others — without the energy work she shared and the love she poured into every class.

Today I am sober and living a life that once felt impossible to reach.Through Quantum-Touch I found a way to breathe again after devastating loss, to heal from the inside out, and to remember that light can return even after the darkest night. This work didn’t just help me survive - it gave me the courage to rise and help others find their own way back to hope and wholeness.

If you are hurting, grieving, or feeling lost, please know there is hope. Energy healing is real and powerful. It helped me find my way back to myself, and it can open a door for you too.

To the Quantum-Touch community — thank you. And to Carol Lee — thank you for believing in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. Your light lives on in every person you’ve touched.